a few textfiles i wrote back in the day that kind of thing was trendy

What’s the big deal with washing your hands AFTER you go to the toilet? How about the things you touch BEFORE you go to the toilet? Think about it for a second, think about all the things you’ve touched since you washed your hands last, now you’re going to go to the toilet and hold your peepee with those things. I know I sure as hell wouldn’t rub half the stuff that I come into daily contact with on my nether regions, but in effect that’s what you’re doing by not washing your hands before the big event! I really have no problem with touching a piece of my body that doesn’t even get dirty or see the light of day that much (yeah yeah laugh it up, you know what I mean) so join the fight and WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU GO TO THE TOILET!

Seriously, next time you buy a block of cheese, look at the use by date. Yes, holy shit, and you’re about to eat that! Pretty scary stuff, huh? That is so far in the future I’ll bet you can’t even imagine what you’ll be doing, it’s like over a year! Cheese also has a cousin - frozen Chinese food. You know those little spring rolls and dim sims and stuff that you buy in Woolies? Amazingly long life stuff, you could probably use it as a doorstop if you didn’t have any pets. So it’s official and exposed, cheese and chinese food will be the last remaining substances on earth. Kindof makes you wonder who’s really at the top of the food chain, doesn’t it?

The following is a list of substances, carefully researched by me, that you should not feed plants if you want them to live:

• V Energy Drink
• Red Bull Energy Drink
• Milk
• Red Wine
• Coca-Cola
• Vodka

I have, however, had great success with the following:

• Water